The Tolkien Road

A podcast about Middle-earth and all things Tolkien.

0370 » LOTR 1.01.05 » A Long Expected Party Pt 05 » Bilbo’s Speech / Hobbit Math

In this episode of Do Not Be Hasty, Bilbo delivers his unforgettable birthday speech and shocking surprise, as we continue through Lord of the Rings Book 1, Chapter 1, A Long Expected Party!

We’ll take time to consider every detail of his speech, and do the math on the most memorable line of them all:

“I don’t know half of you as half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

Join us!


  • Kaitlyn of Tea with Tolkien
  • John R
  • Melkor27
  • KG



Special thanks to the following patrons:

  • John R
  • Kaitlyn of Tea with Tolkien
  • Melkor27
  • KG
  • Emilio P
  • Jonathan D
  • Richard K
  • Paul D
  • Julia
  • Werty
  • Chris B
  • Tuor91
  • Carolyn S
  • Emiel K
  • Brian O (the 2nd)
  • Jonathan R
  • Matthew W
  • Daniel D
  • Harrison C
  • Seb M
  • Ms. Anonymous
  • Andrew T
  • Redhawk
  • Shannon S
  • Brian O (the 1st)
  • Zeke F
  • James L
  • Chris L
  • Asya V
  • Ish of the Hammer
  • Teresa C
  • David of Pints with Jack
  • Eric B


  • KG
  • Terry S
  • Katie P
  • Julia
  • Jonathan D
  • Ty M

Thank you so much for sticking with us over the years!!! 🙌

Lord of the Rings Bk1.Ch01.Pt04 » Bilbo's Birthday Banquet » A Long Expected Party Pt 4

0369 » LOTR 1.01.04 » A Long Expected Party Pt 04 » Bilbo’s Birthday Banquet

In this episode of DO NOT BE HASTY, Bilbo’s birthday festivities begin, as we continue through LORD OF THE RINGS Book 1, Chapter 1, A LONG EXPECTED PARTY!
We’ll take time to envision the layout of the party field, and consider the variety of entertainments and meals that made it one of the greatest birthday celebrations of all time!
This section begins with the words “Before long the invitations began pouring out…” and ends with the words “…and to cheer at every full stop.”
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Lord of the Rings Bk1.Ch01.Pt03 » Gandalf of the Secret Fire(works) » A Long Expected Party Pt 3

0367 » LOTR 1.01.03 » A Long Expected Party Pt 03 » Gandalf, Keeper of the Secret Fire(works)

Welcome to Episode 367 of The Tolkien Road, or Episode 3 in the Do Not Be Hasty – reckoning!

In this episode, we’ll explore Gandalf’s arrival at Bag End with fireworks in tow, and his subsequent discussion with Bilbo about his party, plans, and upcoming joke.

Perhaps most importantly, we’ll answer that important question: just HOW BIG were Gandalf’s eyebrows???

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LOTR 1.01 » A Long Expected Party Pt 02 » Hamfast "The Gaffer" Gamgee » The Tolkien Road

0366 » LOTR 1.01.02 » A Long Expected Party Pt 02 » Hamfast “The Gaffer” Gamgee Holds Court

In this episode, we grab a pint with Sam’s dad at the Ivy Bush as we resume our exploration of Lord of the Rings Book 1 Chapter 1 A Long Expected Party by considering the section from “Twelve more years passed…” to “…this very month as-is.”

The bulk of this section concerns Hamfast Gamgee, aka The Gaffer, and his conversation with other Shire-folk including Daddy Twofoot, Sandyman the Miller, and Old Noakes.

Through their humorous back and forth, we’ll come to understand how Bilbo and Frodo are generally viewed around the Shire, and discover something of where the Gaffer’s son, Samwise, gets his personality.

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It will help you…

  • Grasp the book’s complex structure.
  • Become familiar with key plot points.
  • Visualize the changing world with simple maps.
  • Deepen your appreciation of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.